The rolling of the eyes, the stomping away, the "Whatever", the texting when they have tuned you out.

Yes, you recognize your teenager, don't you?  It's getting younger and younger, too.  It might not even be your teen, yet.  This might be a description of your pre-teen, too.

There is a point when your precious angel turns into that hormonal devil that you just don't know anymore and, let's face it, don't much like either.

They don't understand that you still know best and they don't care, either.

Mom, Dad:  it's time to face the truth. . .YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO YOUR KID ANYMORE.

Even if you think it is too late, you can change your relationship with your kid and it may be as simple as changing the way you TALK with your kid.  Notice I did NOT say talk TO your kid.

Here are three things you can easily remember every time your kids enters the room and you have a chance to have a conversation.  I know you may be used to even small and innocuous conversations turning into WW III, but it doesn't have to be that way.  Try it in a few, small instances and see if it works. . . then branch into some more meaningful conversations.

These are the common mistakes that parents make when talking to their teens.  Remember:  These are NOT babies anymore!

1.  CRITICIZING:  Your kids are not at the age where the "because I said so" defense is going to work anynmore.  Don't you wish?!  Way too late in most cases, parents need to start giving kids an opportunity to voice their own oppinions on topics.  Yes, many times they will be childish and not well thought out but you need to make sure they are not just thrown by the way-side as bad ideas.  Doing that will make SURE your kids doens't come to you when it is time to talk about imporant things.  Saying things like, "I think that is an interesting thought. . have you thought about it this way?" can not only treat your kid like he or she is PART of their own decision making-process but it might just open the door to that adult friendship that you will want to have.

2.  CUTTING THEM OFF:  Do you like it when your mom cuts you off mid-sentence when you are trying to talk to her at Easter dinner?  She still does it, doesn't she??  It DRIVES YOU NUTS doesn't it?? Well, it does the same thing to your kid, too.  When your child is growing up, they still haven't fully formed their ideas and their opinions so sometimes they have a tendency to ramble.  The more emotional they are, the more they can talk and talk. . .and talk.  BUT, giving them that voice to make sure they are getting their point accross is so very important.  You'll find they respect you. . and then they will feel safe confiding in you.

3.  BEING THE COMMANDO:  This is different than the "Because I said so". . this is the "Because I know BETTER than you".  REALLY?? What teenager has EVER beleived thier parents were smarter than they were?  Did YOU believe your parents knew ANYTHING about ANYTHING??????  No, you thought they were SO behind the times and SO didn't know ANYTHING.  Well, guess who thinks the same thing about you.  Don't be the commando and pull the because I said so words.  If you're working number one and number two, number 3 might never come into play.  Kids ALWAYS require explinations and, as a parent, you should never be ashamed to say, "I dont' know why I don't want you to go, but I don't."  Also, you should never be afraid to say, "I really don't know the answer to that, but let's look it up together."  Or, how about this one, "I wish I had a good answer for that.  i wish my parents had talked to me about that when I was a kid.  It's really scary.  Let's find someone smarter than BOTH of us to talk to us." 

It all boils down to this:  A little patience, talking WITH them, not AT them and RE-building that trust and relationship can make your househould a place with much more balance.

If you are a teenager reading this, e-mail this to your parents.  Put a note in the subject line and tell your mom or dad that you might like to BOTH try changing the way you communicate.  Remember:  it goes BOTH ways!