When we find an article we like, even from another website, we have no problem re-printing it here, especially if it will help keep our listeners in balance!  This was one that hit home for us and think it will for you, too.  Can anyone relate??
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Like most of folks, you probably don't like it when people say unkind things about you. But what about the negative, unkind things you say about yourself? How much time have you invested in cleaning up that slate? Too many of the things we say to ourselves about ourselves are negative. Put-downs and negative self-talk not only make us unhappy and discouraged, they become stubborn roadblocks to goal attainment.

Negative self-talk usually begins with words like "I can't..." or "I'll never..." or "If only I..." See if any of these look familiar:

• I can't speak in front of a group.
• I never have time to exercise.
• I'm no good at math.
• If only I were thinner, I'd be happy.
• If only I were richer, I'd have it made.
• I'm not smart enough to get a promotion.
• I'm not very good at meeting people.
• If I had a different boss, I'd do a lot better.

Take a few minutes to think about the recurring phrases that you alone can hear. Identify the negative ones and write them down.

What About Conflicting Messages?
Sometimes you probably don't even agree with yourself. For example, one day you'll look at a tough situation and say to yourself, "I can accomplish anything I set my mind to," and the next day you'll approach the same situation and think, "This is a waste of time—I'm not getting anywhere." Keep in mind that, in the end, the strongest message—the one your brain delivers most often with the most emotion attached to it—will develop stronger neural pathways and win out.

Reversing Negative Self-Talk
The opposite of negative self-talk is positive self-talk. A positive self-talk statement is called an affirmation. Look at the difference:

• Stated in positive language.
• Present tense.

For example, "I won't be as disorganized this time," is not an effective affirmation. A better one is, "I am a neat and organized person." Here's another example: "I absolutely will not procrastinate on my next assignment." A better affirmation would be, "I tackle projects right away and get them done in a timely manner."

Affirmations may sound (and feel) a little stiff and unnatural at first, but don't worry—they work anyway. Once you get the feel of affirmations, relax and develop your own style.

What Would You Like to Change?
Write a few affirmations that will help you change something in your life. For example, if you are trying to improve your eating habits, change, "I shouldn't eat so much junk food," to "I hardly ever eat junk food," or better yet, "I prefer healthy foods." Repeat it often, with conviction.

Until you are accustomed to controlling your self-talk, concentrate on fixing one problem at a time. 

Make Lasting Change
Don't slip back into the habit of saying negative things about yourself. Here are some ways to make permanent change:

1. Pay attention to your self-talk and make a conscious effort to control it. First, listen to your self-talk. Second, catch yourself making negative statements and turn them into positive statements. Third, practice every day.
2. Ask someone you trust to catch you when you make negative statements about yourself. Then change them to positive statements.
3. Reprogram yourself systematically with affirmations.
4. Write down your affirmations and put them where you will see them.

About the Author

Dianne Schilling is a writer, editor, graphic artist and instructional designer who specializes in the development of educational materials and customized training programs for business and industry. She holds a masters degree in counseling and is a founding partner of WomensMedia.com Send e-mail to

dianneschilling@mac.com

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